“There’s a difference between serving your husband and being your husband’s servant.”

I heard this comment earlier this week and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. As a society, and specifically as Christians, we have completely gotten off track from how marriage was designed to be and more specifically what marriage was designed to do, which is to glorify the Father and mirror the love that Christ had and has for His bride, the church, US.

Where did it get lost that NEITHER husband nor wife were designed to be servants to each other, but rather marriage was designed for BOTH to serve one another. Theres a huge difference in being someone’s servant and serving them. Both indicate the condition of each person’s heart. Serving isn’t supposed to be demanded, that is treating someone like a slave. It also is supposed to be done with a willing heart. If we are truly honest, we’ve ALL been guilt of both demanding to be served as well as serving with an unwilling heart at one time or another.

Christ gave us the perfect example of serving. One instance was when He served the disciples by washing their feet. Another is at the last supper where He served the disciples the bread and wine. He didn’t sit back and EXPECT or DEMAND that they wash His feet, He didn’t expect to be served first at the last supper or for one of the disciples to “make his plate”. He served them. WILLINGLY. And of course the most notable example is that Jesus freely gave His life for us. It wasn’t demanded. It wasn’t required. It wasn’t expected. He gave His life as the ultimate way to serve and love us.

One definition of “slave” is a person who is strongly influenced or controlled by someone or something, a person who is forced to obey someone else. One reference says ” a person that is completely subservient to a dominating influence, someone who is directly responsive to another. When we demand, strongly influence, expect, or control our partners to cook our meals, wash our clothes or vehicles, or pick up after us, we are treating them as slaves. Quite the different picture from what Christ modeled for us.

One definition of servant is “A devoted and helpful follower or supporter.” Wikipedia defines servant leadership as “a philosophy in which the main goal of the leader is to serve…A servant leader shares power, puts the needs of those he leads first, and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.” Surely this is what Ephesians 5 means when it says “Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. ” Isn’t this a true example of servant leadership? Christ gave us the power to choose or not to choose Him. He put us before him, and He helps us develop and perform to the best of our ability if we will make Him the Lord of our life and use the talents and skills He gave us.

I heard years ago when I was younger that love is actually spelled G-I-V-E. When I heard it, I had absolutely no idea of how true that was. I thought love was ooey, gooey feelings when you see someone, and wanting to be around them all the time. Boy, I was wrong. Love is when you let them have the last piece of your favorite cake because they want it. Love is when you CHOOSE to walk through the fire with them even though you don’t even want to be around them because you are so mad at them. Love really is spelled G-I-V-E.

So ladies…..

Pick up his socks without mumbling or grumbling. There may come a day when you would give anything to have the privilege to pick up his socks just one more time.

Cook his favorite meal sometimes, even though the kids hate it. He needs to know that he is important too. (And not just on his birthday.) Let him be special. And let the children see you celebrate him often.

Let him rest after a hard day at work, even though you have had a hard day too. Its a lot of mental and emotional stress to be the leader of the home.

Keep his favorite foods in the pantry and the fridge, because you want him to know you think of him and the things that matter to him.

Keep dinner warm when he gets home from work late, without complaining. Be glad he works, and be thankful he comes home to you.

Men…..

Fill her car up with gas even though it drives you insane that it is always on empty. She will see you as her hero when she doesn’t have to get out in the cold to do it herself the next morning.

Let her sleep in on the occasional Saturday morning. Juggling work, home, and children is mentally and physically taxing.

Send her flowers even though you think it’s a waste of money. If you send them to her at work so all her friends see, the thank you that you receive will be much sweeter!

Celebrate her! Show her off! Let her know that you are proud of her accomplishments. Do what you can to give her the freedom to achieve those dreams and successes.

When she’s acting crazy…yelling, interrupting, and seeming unreasonable, realize there’s a deeper issue. Don’t yell at her to “Shut up”. Don’t scream “I’m speaking.” Grab her, hold her, and ask her what is really weighing on her heart.

Serving one another isn’t always easy. Serving requires us to G-I-V-E. Serving is sometimes not what we want to do. My hope is that we learn that we’ve each been given a call to serve and that we learn to do that with a joyful heart.

Love,

Lori