Seven years ago on a Thursday morning, I woke up to one daughter who said she didn’t feel good and another one whom I was afraid might have the pink eye, but I wasn’t 100% positive that it wasn’t just allergies. I sent them on to school and they hadn’t even been there 30 minutes when I was called to come pick them up. I left work, got the girls, and we went home to wait until time for both of them to go to the doctor.

A few hours later, at 11:10am, I got a message through FB messenger from a woman who said “Is this a rumor? Jason just called me and said Dirk passed? If so what happened?? Prayers❤️”

In a matter of seconds my entire world changed. It was not a rumor. Dirk passed early that morning and not one single person in his family called to tell his children. As you can imagine, the emotions I felt were all over the place. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Fear. Disbelief. Confusion. He and I had been texting that morning as I was getting the girls ready for school and he just abruptly stopped responding. It is believed that he either laid back down and passed peacefully in his sleep or that he stopped abruptly texting due to his heart stopping. All we know for sure, is that he passed early that morning.

The next few moments and days are still a blur. There are parts I still don’t remember. The parts I do remember are enormously hurtful for a lot of reasons, both to me and the children. I’m so thankful that we have healed and moved on from a lot of those hurts. But believe me when I say that those wounds have left scars on all of us that will never go away. Scars though have a way of reminding us where we’ve been, and what we have walked through. Eventually, when they’ve been there long enough, they may even bring smiles.

But more than the scars left behind are beautiful memories of a man that we all loved so much. He loved us in return to the best of his ability. He struggled with demons that I cannot pretend to understand. My demons are not the same as his. Just as I couldn’t understand his, he didn’t understand mine. Ultimately both of our demons were the demise of the life we had built together. I always believed that we would end up back together. He did too. but that was not in God’s plan. I was so angry with God for so long, during the marriage, the separation, in the divorce, and especially after his death. If the Bible is true and that nothing is impossible with God, why didn’t both of us receive healing this side of eternity? It was a hard lesson to learn that sometimes, God simply says “No”.

The days that followed his death were hell. I was blamed for his death. I was told by more than one person that he died of a broken heart. Everything in me wanted to scream, “what about all the drugs, all the alcohol? Is his death really something to be laid at my feet with him bearing none of the responsibility?” Jesus wouldn’t let me say all the things I wanted to say. He wouldn’t let me defend myself. He wouldn’t let me say that I had a lot of my own demons and made plenty of mistakes in our marriage, but was it truly MY fault that he died? Jesus told me to keep quiet and remember only one thing…my children were watching, listening, and soaking in everything that was being said. So I stayed quiet, endured a lot of hurtful comments and remarks, listened to so many lies being told, and I just kept quiet. If you know me in the least….you know this was not easy. But I had to trust that God’s plan was greater than mine.

The next few years were a whirlwind of a dumpster fire. That’s another story for another time. But the kids and I moved forward the best we could. We missed Dirk so much and nothing seemed right after he left us. All three kids felt his loss in different ways. They are doing good now, but that trauma still shows it’s face at the most inopportune times.

Dirk was an amazing man. He lit up every place that he entered with that big smile, a larger than life laugh, and a twinkle in his eye that made you feel like you were the only person in the room. He could play any instrument that you put in front of him, had a voice that could hold an audience for hours, and was the best dance partner a girl could ask for. The loss of him left the world a little darker. We all have felt his loss. And we have felt him still here with us during the tough times.

Last year brought more healing for the kids and I than we could’ve ever expected. I think Dirk would be proud of how far we have all come, though I’m certain we’ve given him plenty of reasons to shake his head at us as well. I think he’d enjoy being Poppa Dirk to Waylon, I think he and Luke would swap stories of the struggles they shared that were the same, I think he’d be playing golf everyday with Rylie, and cheering for Kendyl on the Volleyball court at every game. He loved being their dad. And he was good at it, no matter what demons he fought.

I think Dirk would tell us all not to let one moment of our lives pass us by, to treasure every day for the gift that it is, to love fearlessly, and with wreckless abandon. I think he would tell us to LIVE not just simply survive.

I miss him so much. But I wouldn’t bring him back to this world for anything. He has the best seat to watch over all of us. Sometimes I swear I hear him singing, and I like to think that Jesus is giving me a little glimpse of what’s going on in heaven when that happens. He is healed, he is whole, he has no more suffering, and he no longer battles the demons that he fought so hard to overcome. Sometimes healing doesn’t come in the way we hope it would, but I trust that God knows what he is doing and one day his kids will get to sing with their daddy again. Until then we will honor him every chance we get, use his story to hopefully help someone else, and offer forgiveness to others because we understand that healing isn’t linear & broken hearts can be mended with enough love, compassion, and laughter.

Dirk Allen Daniel. 9/15/75-4/27/2017

You live on in the lives of our children. And you are forever in our hearts.

Papaw Les…He was the sweetest, most gentle man. He let me pick green tomatoes out of the garden and never once did I get in trouble for it, even though poor Brad and Travis did!!! He would put me in his lap and brush my hair and listen to me as I talked non-stop! To say he spoiled me is an understatement!!!! Every single day, he would take the three of us to Kenny Ailor’s store and buy us a push up. To this day, when I see those, memories of him come flooding back. Today is his birthday. We lost him 37 years ago, I was 6 years old when he died. It changed the entire trajectory of our family’s lives. He is so missed. He was amazing and I am so thankful for all the memories I have of him.

Mamaw Betty…she was a force to be reckoned with!!!!! Full of love, light, & laughter, but also full of piss & vinegar!!!! OH that woman!!!! When she loved, she loved hard, but when she was mad, you better get out of her way! She loved my papaw more than I could ever explain, but if you knew her, and especially if you knew them together, then you know how crazy she was about him and vice versa. She went to be with him in heaven on his birthday 4 years ago, because that’s who she was!!!! She held on for DAYS, when medically it seemed impossible. But we all knew she was just waiting to go on Papaw’s birthday. After she saw The King, I’m sure she could be heard saying “Ley-us, (because she pronounced his name as if it were a 2 syllable word, LOL) Ley-us honey, come here!!”

Anniversary dates of the death of those we have loved can sometimes be so hard, but today, as much as I miss them, I can’t help but think how happy the two of them are in Heaven. I imagine they are singing and celebrating for so many reasons. There’s a lot of our family who has crossed on over to glory while the rest of us are still here waiting to go. I believe when we have fulfilled The Father’s purpose for our own lives, we will get to go be with them. As we have learned, for some of us that may sooner rather than later.

The last 4 days of Mamaw’s life, I barely left her side. In fact I crawled up in bed beside her more than once, crying like a baby. Losing her was so hard. She hadn’t been saying anything for days that made any sense, and she didn’t know who I was the last couple of weeks. But right before she slipped into a non-verbal state, it was just her and I in her room, and she looked at me out of the blue, and said “Little Lori, you will love again.” Those were the last words she ever said to me. I thought that was so odd at the time. But as a nurse who spent most of my bedside career in end of life care, I knew that there are those professionals who will say that the time that people spend in between the earthly realm and the heavenly one in their last days, is sometimes filled with them being excited about where they are going, because they get glimpses of the other side, but also battling to hang on here because they know what they are leaving behind.

I spent a lot of time through the years talking to my Mamaw about every thing going on in my life, good and bad. And anyone in our family will tell you, she was not above giving out advice whether it was wanted or not! But on that day, I truly believe that my sweet Mamaw knew what I didn’t know. I believe that she knew that 4 weeks later, Dirk would join her in heaven, and I believe those words to me were the last bit of wisdom that she was able to pass on.

Since the beginning of creation, it has been assured that if there is a day of birth, there will also come a day of death. This year the girls and I decided we were gonna spend these goodbye anniversaries as celebrations rather than as days of sadness. We know that because of the cross and the resurrection, we WILL see those we love again!!!!!

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

Happy birthday papaw!! Happy Home-going Day Mamaw!!I love you, I miss you, & I can’t wait to hug you both again!! Oh, and Mamaw, I sure do hope you are dancing up there, the girls and I are taking care of that for you down here!

Time stands still for no one. I am so thankful that the Lord gives, even though He also has to take away.

Love, Lori

I heard that song the other day and it stopped me in my tracks. I think I listened to it about 10 times in a row. And of course it got me to thinking…

We have certainly walked through some hard days in the years since losing Dirk. The healing of broken hearts, regardless of the age, is not an easy path, and the age difference in my kids has sort of had us all over the place on this road called grief. All of the kids have handled it differently and to be transparent, there have been times when I have been at a total loss as to how to help them navigate through it because my heart was still hurting too. But here we are…almost four years later. FOUR years. How have we gone four years without hearing his laugh, seeing him smile, listening to him sing and fill our home with music. Four years since he told a corny joke that made us all roll our eyes and laugh at the same time. Four years since he planned surprise trips because there was somewhere that the kids “just had to go see.” Four years since he waited until the week of Christmas to start shopping, and stayed up all night on Christmas Eve to wrap presents to put under the tree that would be opened just hours later. Four years since his eyes lit up when he came home from a fishing trip and told us all about the fish he caught. Four years since he called me from Ohio to tell me whether or not he saw in deer while sitting in a tree stand looking for that “next big one”. Four years since he called me Lari, rather than Lori, because he knew it drove me crazy and he loved to irritate me! There are a thousand things we miss. There are so many memories we hold close to our hearts that help us get through the days when we are missing him most.

After we lost Dirk we each had our own path to healing. We have learned through therapy that grief is a road that never ends, but we are learning how to reframe things so we can remember the good times, celebrate who Dirk was, and be thankful for the time that we were blessed to walk through life with him. We really were the lucky ones. Luke, Rylie, Kendyl and I knew him differently than anyone else and that is a gift that I will forever be grateful for. Many people THINK they knew him, but they knew what he wanted them to know. We knew the secrets of his heart and those are treasures to us.

For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t talk about Dirk. I was made to feel that by honoring him publicly that it would be disrespectful to the new someone in my life. I bought into that lie unfortunately, and so I grieved privately, I held my emotions in, and did my best to let everyone think that all was ok. But it wasn’t. Mostly it wasn’t ok for my children.

My children needed to see their father honored. My children needed to talk about their dad and hear stories about him without fear of making someone mad or hurting someone else’s feelings. My children needed to be able to learn that loving, honoring, and keeping their dad’s memory alive in no way diminished love for someone new. We will always honor Dirk. He deserves that.

All the kids have had their own unique journey of grieving. Luke lost a man who loved and raised him as if he was HIS OWN. Dirk never one time, NEVER ONE TIME, treated Luke as if he was anything except his. He never called Luke his stepson. Luke was always, his SON. Luke was never left out. If anything, at times Dirk went out of his way to make sure Luke knew that he CHOSE to love him when he didn’t have to. Dirk perfectly demonstrated what it looked like to love someone who wasn’t born with his DNA & someone who didn’t carry his last name. He loved Luke so effortlessly and I will FOREVER be grateful for that. He, and his entire family, loved my son so well. Luke had the most time with Dirk and therefore made losing him difficult. I won’t speak on that much because that is Luke’s story to tell, but one thing I know for sure, Luke loved Dirk in return just as much as he received Dirk’s love. As a momma, it was beautiful watch their relationship and it has been equally difficult to watch Luke mourn over the loss of it.

The girls miss Dirk so much. At times, they will say “momma, I can’t remember what Daddy sounded like.” I know that is their cue for me to play them one of the songs he wrote that we have recorded. Sometimes, they just need to hear their daddy sing to them. Now when they hear his voice there are more smiles instead of tears. And now when we talk about him, there is more laughter and less crying. The one constant is that no matter what, Dirk is so missed. He always will be.

For me, anything that involves the kids is always bittersweet. Anytime we celebrate an accomplishment, a good grade, learning a new skill, or they play a new sport…it never fails, I always cry. It’s not an ugly cry that has me weeping and unable to function, but rather it is usually just a single tear that falls down my cheeks. And every single time, those tears are for what Dirk is missing and because the girls don’t have their dad their to be their cheerleader, supporter and encourager. He would have loved these years with them. He loved being a dad. No matter how exciting an occasion is, no matter how great of a moment it is, his absence is and always will be noticed. He should be here to celebrate them and to congratulate them, to kiss them goodnight, to read to them, to hug them and to tell them how proud he is of them. But he’s not here, and during these moments, my heart grieves for my girls because of what they are missing. I grieve for them all the things that a girl is supposed to get to do with a daddy and they will not ever get to do with theirs.

We visit the graveside on occasion. Luke goes more often than any of us. The girls really don’t like to go. They don’t share why and I don’t press them on the reason. When we do go, they usually say a few words to Dirk, & Kendyl always arranges the flowers. Rylie usually just says “hey daddy.” As for me, well there’s not been one time that I have been to his grave that I haven’t cried. I cry for a life that was cut too short. I cry for all three of my children who miss their dad. I cry because the world is just not the same without him in it.

This year as the anniversary of his death is approaching, God has reminded me of just how faithful He has been to us as we have walked this road. It has been hard for sure, it has had it’s moments of sadness, anger, frustration, and desperation. But is has also been full of JOY and peace and provision. There have been challenges and struggles that we have faced in our little family that only Jesus and my therapist (GOD bless his soul) know about. Some of them I honest to goodness thought would be the thing that pushed me over the edge, LOL. But God, He is so faithful. I know it is only because of HIM that we are okay. Even though we miss Dirk, we are ok. Even though we have had sickness, sadness, death, and evil schemes and lies of the enemy, we really are ok. We are ok because there is a comforter who loves us and cares for us.

No matter what happens we are choosing to stand on THE truth.

“This is the Truth I’m standing on, even when all my strength is gone. You are faithful forever and I know you’ll never let me fall. Right now I’m choosing to believe, someday soon I’ll look back and see, all the pain had a purpose, Your plan was perfect all along. This is the TRUTH I’m standing on.

My life, my shield, my firm foundation. I know I will not be shaken. You remind me where my help comes from. This is the TRUTH I’m standing on, even when all my strength is gone.”

I don’t know why God chose us to walk this road, and I have no idea what He has planned for our future. But I do know HIS plan is perfect, and that TRUTH is good enough for me to stand on.

We honor Dirk, we celebrate Dirk. I am so thankful that he loved us and that we got the chance to love him. He was a wonderful father to all three of my children. I hope he is doing all of his favorite things in heaven! Here are some of our favorite pictures of him doing some of those favorite things!

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Life has looked so different since March. Once Covid hit, everything changed. Most people have hated the new normal. I for one have LOVED it.

I loved the time at home.

I loved the time with my children.

I loved that life slowed down.

I loved that people were 6 feet away from me in checkout lines and in stores.

I loved eating out less & having meals at home.

I loved the conversations I got to have with my children.

I loved sleeping in and staying up late.

I loved board games.

I loved group text messages with my best girlfriends.

I loved car rides just to get out of the house.

I loved afternoons sitting on my parents porch.

I loved days at the pool.

I loved Netflix binging.

I loved way too many pumpkin muffins!!!!

I LOVED being with my children 24/7.

I LOVED the gifts that Covid gave me!!

During this season of quarantine, I was able to spend a lot more time devoted to self discovery. I spent more time in the Word. I spent more time in prayer. I spent a lot of time looking at my life and acknowledging the areas that needed some change, the areas that were broken, truly broken. After countless therapy sessions via ZOOM, (GOD bless my therapist, LOL) journaling, making lists, praying and seeking God’s direction, I feel like I am starting to know myself better than I ever have. I learned so much, not just about myself, but about life in general.

I have learned I can live with a LOT less than I thought I could.

I have learned that I blow WAY too much money.

I have learned that peace of mind is worth more than I realized.

I have learned I was overwhelmed.

I have learned that there are very few things that require my IMMEDIATE attention other than my family.

I have learned that time doesn’t stop, but sometimes we NEED to slow down.

I have learned that naps are LIFE!!!!

I have learned that I spend too much of my time people pleasing.

I have learned that unresolved grief manifests in unbecoming and unpleasant behavior..

I have learned that it is not selfish to take care of myself.

I have learned that when I am stressed, tired, or scared I am short fused.

I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and I was stuck right in the middle of it.

I have learned that God is so patient, kind, graceful, and loving…even when I am not.

I have learned that I am still just a hot mess, but God has not given up on me and He never will.

I have learned that I feel everything…very deeply…and most of the time I take everything too personally.

I have learned that when God said He doesn’t remember our sin once we become His, He meant that. Sadly the world doesn’t forget. But what is covered under the blood…Praise Jesus, it doesn’t exist anymore.

I have learned that I am worthy of being loved.

I have learned that I am precious to Jesus.

I have learned that it is perfectly ok to say “No”.

I have learned that boundaries are not only important, they are NECESSARY.

I have learned that there is so much more to life than the things that I was spending my time focusing on.

I have learned it is okay to do nothing some days.

I have learned that my children do NOT have to be busy or involved in a sport every season to be happy.

I have learned that the broken pieces of my life are not useless, they have purpose. I have learned that God wants to use those broken pieces to help others who are now walking the through the same desolate place we have walked through.

I know that most people have hated the time of quarantine, and yes I will admit that there were aspects of it that were at times not easy. I missed being with my people, I missed being at Church. The fear of the unknown always brings some frustration and anxiety for me. However, I will forever be grateful for the lessons I have learned during this season, for the opportunity to slow down and realize what really matters.

Even though this season has been a gift for me, I am keenly aware that this has been a season of great sadness for many others. There are those who have fought and are still fighting severe sickness, some have struggled financially, some have lost loved ones. My heart hurts for those who this season has been less than kind to. I am reminded of a time when the girls and I went through some of those same struggles and experienced those same losses. During those times, I felt like we would never laugh again, I was afraid we would never again experience true joy. But God!!!! HE has and continues to carry us through every storm. He has proven faithful on every occasion. My prayer is that those who are walking through a tough season right now feel His comfort, peace, provision, and sovereignty even when it hurts the most.

I am reminded of Matthew 14, where Jesus fed the multitude with five loaves and two fish. He blessed the food, broke it and gave it to the disciples to give to the crowds. What a beautiful picture of ministry. What He gives to us in this life, we are to use to help others, serve others, love them through the hard places. It says that after they all ate and were satisfied, the disciples picked up 12 full baskets of broken pieces. I happen to be most thankful for the broken pieces. Those broken parts in my life, just like the broken pieces that fed the multitude, still have value, still have purpose, God still uses those pieces. We may not always see it in the middle of the storm, we may not even want to see it when the moment presents itself and God wants to use our broken piece to help others, but if we will let Him, He will use all the pieces of our lives, especially the broken pieces.

He is such a good Father!

Love, Lori

Have you ever heard someone speak to you, and you knew it wasn’t anyone in the room with you, it wasn’t anyone in the car with you, it wasn’t anyone who was actually IN your presence? There have been a handful of those times in my life, and every time it happens, I am just as amazed as I was the first time it happened. Now though, it doesn’t scare me. I know who is speaking to me. I know where that voice is coming from. Sometimes it is a voice that comforts, sometimes it warns, and sometimes it speaks direction for what is needed in my life at that time. I have learned to listen very closely to what that voice is saying to me, and looking back, had I done a better job of listening at times, I think I could’ve been more prepared for what was around the corner for my life. However, there have been times I have let the noise and the chaos and confusion of life, work, & raising kiddos drown out that voice. A couple of years ago, I learned though that when that voice speaks to me, I need to stop, listen, and pay attention to what it is I am supposed to be hearing and learning. That voice doesn’t just speak for no reason. It is always full of truth and it is always what I need, if I just choose to listen. That voice is the sweet sound of Holy Spirit.

Back in February, I was pulling out of my driveway to take my kids to school, and that voice spoke to me very unexpectedly. It had been an uneventful morning…well, let’s say it was a typical morning, none of our mornings are uneventful!!!. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Both girls (12 & 9) were up dressed & ready for school. I was ready for work and prepared to tackle the day of teaching a brand new group of 24 aspiring estheticians. I had looked at the calendar on my phone more than once to make sure we left the house with every thing we needed for not only school and work, but for every activity that the girls would be participating in that evening. Our days and our nights were so busy. Between after school activities, sports, and church, every single night of our week and weekend was devoted to something. My heart longed to just be home. I longed to just rest, to have no where that I “had” to go. I ached for the days when everything didn’t feel so rushed. Like most moms, I also struggled with the guilt of considering not letting the girls participate in activities they wanted to be a part of just because I thought we needed rest. I mean, wouldn’t that make me a terrible mom? Or perhaps what if that would make me a better mom, one who was not only looking out for my kids athletic, social, and academic skills, but also a mom who taught their kids the importance of self care, rest, reflection, and the ability to LET GO of this idea that we have to always be busy. This was an internal battle I fought with myself on the regular.

However, every time that thought passed through my mind, I put it aside, because I let worrying about what everyone else would think matter more than what Holy Spirit was stirring inside of my heart. I should have known that when I wasn’t responding to that stir that He would end up having to get my attention directly. He is always so good at that!!!

So this morning back in February, as I was pulling out of my driveway, Holy Spirit said very clearly, “You need a season of rest.” I almost cried right there in that moment. I knew He was right. I knew He was warning me that things were way too hectic. I also knew that this meant there was probably something around the corner that I was going to be facing that I was going to need my world to be still, calm, and at rest. My fear was that I didn’t know what that was, or when it was coming. I pondered on the words that Holy spirit said to me for two days, and I realized I needed better boundaries in my life for my and the girls. I did the only thing I knew to do, I turned to scripture. I looked for ways that Jesus set boundaries in His life, examples that I could use to help me understand why we needed boundaries and how to implement those without feeling guilty about it. I struggle to tell others no when at times “no” may be what is best for our family.

When I started searching the scriptures, I found so many examples of Jesus having boundaries. He didn’t just jump because someone asked him to or better yet because they “told” him to. He didn’t act just because they expected him to on their schedule. The story of Lazarus shows us this. John 11 teaches us that Lazarus was sick and Mary and Martha wanted Jesus to come quickly to help their brother Lazarus, but when they came to Him pleading with Him to come to their brother who was sick, Jesus waited TWO days where Hw was. He wasn’t in a hurry. He didn’t rush. He ministered to them when He got there. And in the end Lazarus was raised from the dead. We don’t always have to be in a hurry to be able to accomplish what we need to accomplish. We don’t always have to operate on someone or everyone else’s time schedule.

Jesus also gave us examples of going off by himself so he could spend time in prayer. He modeled for us the importance of time alone and time talking to and forging a relationship with the Father. This example of a boundary was so important to me on making sure time alone with the Father is protected in our home.

Once I had realized that I needed better boundaries and had started trying to implement them, Covid-19 decided to show it’s face. The world was different all of a sudden. People were scared and were operating out of fear. Some thought it was political, some thought it was a conspiracy theory, some realized this for what I believe it is, a spiritual awakening. The Father, so graciously handed us a gift that far too many people have wasted by complaining, griping, and being fearful.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think that Covid-19 has been a tragic hit to our world. It has taken far too many lives and it has impacted so many people in a negative way physically, emotionally & financially, but it has also given us a gift that so many I feel may have possibly missed.

The past 7 weeks have taught me what really matters and what doesn’t. It has taught me what I can live without and what I can’t. Seven weeks ago, my life looked very different than it does now. I for one, am thankful for the season of rest, I am thankful for the time with my girls, I am thankful that life slowed down and gave us a new perspective on what really matters and what doesn’t.

I am thankful that this season of rest has given us a new normal……….

Love, Lori

“There’s a difference between serving your husband and being your husband’s servant.”

I heard this comment earlier this week and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. As a society, and specifically as Christians, we have completely gotten off track from how marriage was designed to be and more specifically what marriage was designed to do, which is to glorify the Father and mirror the love that Christ had and has for His bride, the church, US.

Where did it get lost that NEITHER husband nor wife were designed to be servants to each other, but rather marriage was designed for BOTH to serve one another. Theres a huge difference in being someone’s servant and serving them. Both indicate the condition of each person’s heart. Serving isn’t supposed to be demanded, that is treating someone like a slave. It also is supposed to be done with a willing heart. If we are truly honest, we’ve ALL been guilt of both demanding to be served as well as serving with an unwilling heart at one time or another.

Christ gave us the perfect example of serving. One instance was when He served the disciples by washing their feet. Another is at the last supper where He served the disciples the bread and wine. He didn’t sit back and EXPECT or DEMAND that they wash His feet, He didn’t expect to be served first at the last supper or for one of the disciples to “make his plate”. He served them. WILLINGLY. And of course the most notable example is that Jesus freely gave His life for us. It wasn’t demanded. It wasn’t required. It wasn’t expected. He gave His life as the ultimate way to serve and love us.

One definition of “slave” is a person who is strongly influenced or controlled by someone or something, a person who is forced to obey someone else. One reference says ” a person that is completely subservient to a dominating influence, someone who is directly responsive to another. When we demand, strongly influence, expect, or control our partners to cook our meals, wash our clothes or vehicles, or pick up after us, we are treating them as slaves. Quite the different picture from what Christ modeled for us.

One definition of servant is “A devoted and helpful follower or supporter.” Wikipedia defines servant leadership as “a philosophy in which the main goal of the leader is to serve…A servant leader shares power, puts the needs of those he leads first, and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.” Surely this is what Ephesians 5 means when it says “Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. ” Isn’t this a true example of servant leadership? Christ gave us the power to choose or not to choose Him. He put us before him, and He helps us develop and perform to the best of our ability if we will make Him the Lord of our life and use the talents and skills He gave us.

I heard years ago when I was younger that love is actually spelled G-I-V-E. When I heard it, I had absolutely no idea of how true that was. I thought love was ooey, gooey feelings when you see someone, and wanting to be around them all the time. Boy, I was wrong. Love is when you let them have the last piece of your favorite cake because they want it. Love is when you CHOOSE to walk through the fire with them even though you don’t even want to be around them because you are so mad at them. Love really is spelled G-I-V-E.

So ladies…..

Pick up his socks without mumbling or grumbling. There may come a day when you would give anything to have the privilege to pick up his socks just one more time.

Cook his favorite meal sometimes, even though the kids hate it. He needs to know that he is important too. (And not just on his birthday.) Let him be special. And let the children see you celebrate him often.

Let him rest after a hard day at work, even though you have had a hard day too. Its a lot of mental and emotional stress to be the leader of the home.

Keep his favorite foods in the pantry and the fridge, because you want him to know you think of him and the things that matter to him.

Keep dinner warm when he gets home from work late, without complaining. Be glad he works, and be thankful he comes home to you.

Men…..

Fill her car up with gas even though it drives you insane that it is always on empty. She will see you as her hero when she doesn’t have to get out in the cold to do it herself the next morning.

Let her sleep in on the occasional Saturday morning. Juggling work, home, and children is mentally and physically taxing.

Send her flowers even though you think it’s a waste of money. If you send them to her at work so all her friends see, the thank you that you receive will be much sweeter!

Celebrate her! Show her off! Let her know that you are proud of her accomplishments. Do what you can to give her the freedom to achieve those dreams and successes.

When she’s acting crazy…yelling, interrupting, and seeming unreasonable, realize there’s a deeper issue. Don’t yell at her to “Shut up”. Don’t scream “I’m speaking.” Grab her, hold her, and ask her what is really weighing on her heart.

Serving one another isn’t always easy. Serving requires us to G-I-V-E. Serving is sometimes not what we want to do. My hope is that we learn that we’ve each been given a call to serve and that we learn to do that with a joyful heart.

Love,

Lori

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

I love to write. I have always loved to write. I think it’s because I love words. What they mean, how they are used, how they sound. It’s been a while since I’ve spent any time writing. I am slowly starting to do the things that I love again, and it feels nice. So I hope you’ll join this journey with me. Let’s see where the adventure takes us!

Love,

Lori